if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
