Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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