i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It all started with a game of naked twister.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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