Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
