end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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