He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
