who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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