dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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