this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
