What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
