Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
