I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
