is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
