Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize