Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
