Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk is not a location!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize