He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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