I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
