The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
