I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
