i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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