My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
