An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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