Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
MIDGETS
????
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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