The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
