Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Betty ford says i'm here all night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
