I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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