Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have fence marks all over my body
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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