I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
