The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
