Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
