careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
