i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
