My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
