So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
