Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
