I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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