I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
