I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
