Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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