we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
