Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
