is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
