I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
