Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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