i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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