Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
