i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
