Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
