Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
