she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
