so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
