Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they're like a gay fantastic four
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
