SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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