Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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