everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
