Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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