Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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