Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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