I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
