my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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