She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
