Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
