Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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