I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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