My first STD was from a foam party
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
