it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize