So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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