Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
