Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
