He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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