He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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