I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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