Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
