Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize